If you have your Bible, I will be reading from Ephesians, chapter 4, verses 25 through 32. Throughout chapter 4, Paul carefully built a case for walking or journeying through life in a manner consistent with our glorious salvation and inheritance. Christ paid for these by His death on the cross and won them for us through His resurrection from the dead. Paul made the case for living gently, humbly, and patiently with a loving attitude to seek what he called “the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”
Last month, I spoke on Putting on the New Man, based on Ephesians 4:17-24, where Paul contrasted our old, sinful nature with the new nature of Christ in us – the Hope of Glory.
Paul teaches us that unbelieving peoples, the Gentiles, are hopelessly confused in their thinking, or darkened in understanding spiritual realities. This leads to exclusion from the divine life, a life that can only come through faith in the risen Messiah, Jesus, the Son of God. Their combination of spiritual ignorance and unwillingness to respond to divine grace, which Paul calls a “hardened heart,” leave unbelievers in a pitiful state. They go through life without any awareness of the purpose for which they were created. They become callous, or uncaring of their behavior or its consequences. They give themselves over to sensuality, which is the exclusive pursuit of the pleasure of natural senses, and become greedy and impure in their lifestyle.
This is where many of us were before we met Jesus and realized that there is a great God around us who cares how we live our lives. Once we begin to learn about Christ, and the benefit of following Him, we can see the world around us from a fresh, new perspective. We can appreciate God’s creation, the value of people who bear His image, and we can value ourselves anew, because God has called us to a heavenly path that leads to the highest life and eternal life.
Knowing this, we must put aside our old self-defeating and self-destructive patterns of living and put on a new self that ensues from renewing our minds in God’s truth. Jesus Himself is the living Truth of God and the Bible is God’s truth in written form. We renew our minds when we allow the Spirit of Christ to teach us from the Bible on how to think and behave as Jesus would in our bodies. Paul calls this renewed life “true righteousness and holiness.” It is the highest life to which we can aspire.
Now, in the final passage of this chapter, Paul gives practical advice on what righteous and holy living looks like, and the practical applications of God’s truth in this passage help assure us of a greater measure of peace and happiness than could ever be attained without them. So let’s read Ephesians 4:25-32 to discover what Living the New Life is like.
Ephesians 4:25-32 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity. 28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. 29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
LIVE TRUTHFULLY – 4:25, 28. The first thing Paul charges us to do is to live truthfully, to live with integrity. He instructs us to lay aside falsehood and speak truth to our neighbors, and to each other. He then gives a reason for doing so – we are members of one another. Paul recalls the command in the law of Moses, Leviticus 19:11, “You shall not lie, nor steal nor deal falsely with one another.”
Integrity is defined as “the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.” Its synonyms are honesty, honor, faithfulness, trustworthy. Without integrity a man cannot be trusted, and without trust there can be no genuine friendship, nor can we hope to be honored by others, much less by God. Integrity is the basis of contractual law, without which proper commerce and business would be impossible. People who have a reputation for dishonesty generally fail, because others refuse to do business with them.
Another meaning of integrity is “the state of being whole and undivided.” Honesty and upright living makes you undivided in your soul, a sense of being very much who you say you are and would like to be. When you are undivided internally you can go through life peaceably, because you know your actions and your motives are good and trustworthy.
That’s why Paul could say to the Ephesian elders before his last trip to Jerusalem, “I am innocent of the blood of all men. For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God.” Paul lived a life wholeheartedly for Christ and declaring His gospel so that others might now the profound joy of being Christ’s disciple and the assurance of a good reward in heaven. Paul could also declare to his accusers in the Jewish high council, the Sanhedrin, “Brethren, I have lived my life with a perfectly good conscience before God up to this day.” And again he said before the Governor Felix,”I always do my best to maintain a blameless conscience both before God and before men.”
I recall how the National Sales Manager of Halliburton, a huge oil services company, taught those of us in a small group, how he learned that as a new Christian he didn’t have to party with his customers in the Bayou to win their business. What they wanted was a salesman who would deliver what he promised. And he said something I have never forgotten: “A clear conscience is worth any price.” You see, a clear conscience allows you to rest easier at night and not worry about being exposed as a liar and a cheat.
Along with honesty in speech goes honesty in conduct – especially in respecting other people’s property or interests. In v. 28, Paul told his Ephesian audience, “He who steals must steal no longer.” Property is an extension of someone’s life, and when you steal it you are defrauding someone else of what their money earned them.
You can’t steal a pencil without God knowing it; so don’t take what isn’t yours, for God keeps accounts of our misdeeds. He will forgive your thefts if you ask him, but will make you pay for it in other ways – maybe by letting a thief steal from you, or by not protecting your interests from loss. There is no amount of money or wealth on earth to make up for a defiled conscience. Psalm 25:21 says, “Let integrity and uprightness preserve me for I wait for You.” Integrity and upright living, David said, preserves us from condemnation, which gives us a deep sense of well-being.
LIVE PEACEABLY – 4:26-27. Paul also teaches us in this passage to live peaceably. Look at verses 26 & 27: “Be angry and yet do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your anger. And do not give the devil and opportunity.” The first phrase, “Be angry and yet do not sin” comes from Psalm 4, where David was under intense pressure as an outcast and fugitive from the vindictive King Saul. David was living in the midst of southern Israel, surrounded by people who questioned his integrity as a presumed outlaw, because King Saul was his enemy. David exhorted himself to trust in God and not act out in rage against his adversaries. His self-restraint prepared him to be king over the people of Israel and founder of the Messianic lineage.
Anger is a natural response to being hurt but isn’t necessarily sinful. Jesus got angry at the hardness of Pharisees who would rather see a poor Jew remain crippled than for him to be healed by Jesus on the Sabbath. But anger can escalate into an outburst of hateful speech or even violence if we don’t control it. Learning to manage anger is one of the acid-tests of maturity. There is no justification for taking your anger out on another person verbally or physically.
And yet when we’re hurt and tense, we usually can’t calm down right away. It takes time to cool down. Paul’s wise admonition is “don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” Another way to put it is, “don’t go to sleep angry.”
This is really important in marriage. Couples don’t get out of the wrong side of bed, they get into it. If you don’t deal with anger before you go to sleep it will affect your sleep and you’ll tend to wake up less rested and irritable. That paves the way for sustained anger and resentment that can lead to mutual condemnation, arguments and eventual breakdown of communications. I’ve learned in my marriage that it’s far better to stay awake and talk out your differences with your wife when she is upset than to let her stew on an unresolved conflict.
The problem with not dealing with your anger, Paul says, is that you give the devil an opportunity. When you don’t let go of anger, you effectively give the devil permission to be what his name means in your attitude and circumstances: “the Accuser.” You create an opportunity for the devil to accuse you in the minds of others and to create lasting strife that only leads to deeper hurt, lasting bitterness, broken relationships and sometimes, violence. Demons have very sharply attuned hearing and perception of our sins, and know how to exploit our sin against others through us and against us through others. Don’t get trapped in the devil’s schemes.
Here’s how I deal with a situation where I feel hurt and angry. I try to separate myself where I can vent before God and express my hurt, so I can release it. If I can’t separate myself, sometimes I cry out in my heart to God, “Your peace, Lord!” or “Your patience, Lord!” Jesus has already given us His peace and patience, so we have the right to claim what is rightfully ours.
Sometimes I’ve released my anger vicariously and violently in my imagination before I can get control. I’d rather do that privately before God, who I cannot hurt, than take it out on another person. I know that physically taking my anger out on another person is a crime, and insulting someone intentionally is a sin that I will later regret. Eventually I can tell myself to let go of it.
Then I start to pray and let God know I’m hurt and angry, but also commit my stress into His capable hands. If I can, I’ll sometimes go for a walk to cool down and not have to interact with others. I remind myself that God gives me the victory, and not reacting ugly to others is a real victory in self-control. I also pray for the other person, because their sinfulness isn’t sufficient cause for me to wish them dead and in hell forever. Remember, “Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” We’ve got to let go of anger.
I also know that I don’t have to prove myself right or better than the other, because God is there and He is the righteous Judge.
Peter said this about Jesus, “When He was reviled, He did not revile in return, and when insulted He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.” And Jesus came out on top of His accusers after He suffered for us on the cross. If Jesus did that for me, then I can put up with the petty insults and indignities of this life without having a meltdown.
In verses 31-32, Paul reinforces his point, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
Along with living truthfully and peaceably, Paul instructs us to LIVE GRACIOUSLY. Verse 29 says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Don’t use foul language, whether it be profanity or sexual innuendos! Avoid making sarcastic or biting comments that put down the other person. Jesus said, “For every careless word that a man shall speak he shall give account for it on the day of judgment.” Solomon taught us that “life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” I’d rather indulge my words in life-affirming speech than hurt others carelessly and hear about it from God at the Judgment Seat.
By contrast, Paul says we should speak words that are good for edification – building others up – and in a way that is appropriate for that moment to give grace to the listener. People need encouragement, and words are one of the most powerful ways of making people feel better about themselves, to give them courage to trust God and live uprightly.
Everyone wants to be lifted up when they’re down. Paul says an encouraging word gives grace to the other person – the ability to do the right thing, or see things from a more truthful or godly perspective.
Paul warns in v. 30, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.” Some of the greatest regrets I’ve had in my Christian life were being judgmental toward others and perversely acting in pride. When I was a young believer, I recall going to a weekend conference and having a conversation with a young lady who was of a more liberal Christian persuasion. I became argumentative with her as I questioned her erroneous beliefs and was heedless of the negative effect I was having. Suddenly a gust of wind slammed a door in the dining hall where we were sitting and the door’s glass panes shattered over the floor. Instantly, I was convicted and knew that I had grieved the Holy Spirit with my judgmental attitude.
Friends, you can be theologically right and utterly wrong in spirit. That was the problem with the Pharisees in Jesus’ day. They were the most knowledgeable and diligent observers of the Law of Moses but failed to see the hardness of their own hearts in judging those less observant than themselves. That same spirit of legalism and self-righteousness tends to affect Christians who are diligent in learning God’s word, but don’t judge themselves by that word.
The antidote for Pharisaism is the humble awareness that we are only saved by the grace of God, who gave us the ability to see our need, repent of our sins and trust Christ for our salvation.
Paul reminds us that it is the Holy Spirit who seals us for the day of redemption. That sealing both locks us into the family of God and marks us as Christ’s own – we have the seal of His life and Name within us. How then can we grieve the One who has bought us with His precious blood for the day of redemption, when we will finally be gloriously free from sin, strife and death in heaven?
Because we are sealed by the Holy Spirit, we have the divine grace that empowers us to the new life as God intended – truthfully, peaceably and graciously.
Paul concludes his exhortation with a contrast of the sinful nature’s ugly fruit with the gracious fruit of Christian living: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
Gracious living is being kind and tender-hearted, because other people have hidden hurts and sorrows that make them vulnerable. Gracious living is forgiving, because other people sometimes hurt us without meaning to. They may even have thought they were being truthful. They just didn’t speak or act tactfully, with consideration of how their words or actions impacted us. And we have all bruised others by what we said or did or failed to do; we all need forgiveness.
Remember that God sees our sinfulness down to the most exacting detail – every erroneous thought, imagination, attitude, word or deed – and yet God chooses to love us and freely offer us forgiveness and salvation in Christ. If He who alone is truly holy has forgiven us, who are we to hold on to our resentments? All God wants in response is our humble acknowledgment that we need His forgiveness and salvation; and then we can extend to others a measure of the grace that God freely has given us.
That last verse, 32, according to Craig Reynolds, my first Christian mentor, is a key to a successful marriage, or any lasting friendship. Kindness and tenderheartedness are not signs of human weakness but of divine love and strength.
In August 2008, I met a critically ill lady, Geneva Graham, in the hospital as I did Clinical Pastoral Education. She is now with the Lord, but told me that in 2007, she had been in a coma for a whole month but was consciously bathed in God’s love as her spirit was outside of her body. At the end of our conversation, she took my hand firmly and said, “God is love, and love is the most powerful force in the universe!” I believe her!
God’s love is the life-giving, life-transforming force that flows through us when we live the new life the way God intended. Jesus paved the way for us to live that new life by setting the example on earth and then dying for our sins on the cross. His death kills our sinful nature when we are regenerated: born anew by the Holy Spirit and given His nature in place of our sin-stained self.
Yes, we still have to struggle each day to put on the nature of Christ and make no provision for our old self to rear its ugly head. And sometimes, we blow it and let sin take control. But if you have genuinely given your heart to Christ, He will always show you the way back home to the place where your soul needs to be. It’s the home where Jesus is truly Lord, and where “Christ, who is our life, is revealed.” Is that the life you want now and forevermore? Jesus wants to take you there. Are you ready to let Him be truly Lord in your life so He can guide you there? Are you committed to Him as the Great Shepherd of your life? Let us pray.